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RULES for COLLECTING VOLVOS
We have got a number of members who own more than one
Vehicle. Some are real collectors. To help them with their hobby, here
is some advice. Please do not show this page to your spouse !
RULE 1.
Collect only one make and model of Volvo. Nothing but early 444/544's,
1800s or 244s for example. When all your Volvos are the same colour and
shape, it's harder if not impossible for anyone to figure out how many
Volvos you actually have.
RULE 2.
Never line up your Volvos, ever! Nothing distresses a difficult spouse
more than seeing twelve old Volvos lined up, looking for all the world
like a pile of burning hundred dollar bills. Scatter the Volvos around,
a couple behind the garage, one or two in the garage, another beside the
garage, maybe a couple at a friends house, so that it is not possible
for anyone (if you know what I mean) to see more than two or three from
any one perspective. Your hobby will be less 'irritating' that
way.
RULE 3.
For pretty much the reason, don't number your Volvos, give them names.
You'd be surprised how much less trouble you will have if you talk about
"George" rather than 216122.
RULE 4.
Early in your collecting, buy a Volvo you don't want. Then sell it as
quickly as you can. Don't worry about making any money on the
transaction, the main thing is to buy a Volvo and get rid of
it. |
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Then you can say, "Yes my sweet, I do have six
Volvos in the garage while our car is out in the weather. That
doesn't mean I will always have six Volvos. Remember the one I got rid
of? I'm thinking of selling another one any day now, so we can put our
car in the garage." If you have a friend who collects Volvos make
arrangements for him to drop off a Volvo now and again. That way you can
say, if anyone asks, that you bought it. Then have him haul it off again
and say you sold it. With this system you establish your reputation for
moderation.
RULE 5.
Pay for your Volvos with bank cheques, or cash which leaves far less
evidence than cheques drawn on the family account. Once you have taken
possession of another Volvo and paid for it, eat the stubs, carbon
copies or receipts immediately. Such things have a way of becoming an
embarrassment later, take it from me!
RULE 6.
Now and then buy a wreck for 'parts' even if you don't need the parts.
In fact you might consider hauling a wreck or two on the same trailer or
truck, whenever you haul home a good Volvo. This is called 'liability
averaging.' If your significant other says something about having enough
money for yet another Volvo, but not enough for a new refrigerator,
point indignantly to the Volvos on the trailer - the beautiful
one, sold and in running condition for which you paid $2,500 and the
rusted hulks you got for $50 each. Then huff, "I got those for
little more than $500." Doesn't that make you sound like an
investment wizard? |
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RULE 7.
When things get critical, consider dragging home an Volvo without
transmission or rear wheels. If there's a complaint, you say,
"Volvo? What Volvo? That's not a Volvo! That's only a front end,
not even close to a Volvo." Then a couple of weeks later bring home
a rear end minus the radiator, engine and front wheels. "Volvo?
What Volvo? That's not even close to a Volvo!" However, don't try
this more than once every couple years!
RULE 8.
Have a dealer or friend call you now and then when you're not at home,
and tell your spouse, "Bob told me to keep an eye on the Volvo
going at the action on Saturday but it sold for $5,000, and I know
there's no way a financially cautious and responsible guy like Bob would
pay that much, so I didn't make a bid on it for him." Not only will
this make you look really good but the next time you buy a Volvo say
something like, "Love, this beauty only cost me $1,000, which means
we are $4,000 ahead of where we have been, if I'd got the one before. If
I keep saving money like this, w'll be able to afford to go on the that
Caribbean cruise next winter." If you say if fast enough, it might
just work!
RULE 9.
If your mate insults your work calling it "Rustoration," laugh
a light hearted laugh, making it clear that Volvos are NOT to you what
shoes were to Imelda Marcos.
RULE 10.
If your situation worsens to the point where your mate asks, "Who
do you love more, your spouse or your Volvos?"
Whatever you do, don't ask for time to think it over! |
